


Can I turn this clock around?

by alexkholodova



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-17 13:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3530753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexkholodova/pseuds/alexkholodova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reality is grim and unforgiving - she is gone. She is dead. And there is nothing he can do about it.</p><p>So he holds her lifeless body close, refuses to let go of her. Her beautiful blue eyes, usually so full of life and light, are still open. Unfocused and empty. And that’s how he feels right now – empty. Just empty. The moment her heart stopped beating - everything changed. His whole universe changed…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So that took a pretty dark and unexpected turn.  
> If I had to blame anything, it'd be Eminem's - "I Need a Doctor" track. 
> 
> Tagged Teen and Up just to be safe, as I'm not to familiar with the whole system (someone please explain where the line is drawn)?

If someone were to ask Oliver, what he desires the most, the answer would be quite simple - he wants it all to be a dream... Just another one of his nightmares... He has lost her so many times in them – to Dodger, Vertigo, Dollmaker, Slade and dozens other lowlifes... But this… This is a million times worse.

The reality is grim and unforgiving - she is gone.  _She is dead._  And there is  _nothing_ he can do about it.

So he holds her lifeless body close, refuses to let go of her. Her beautiful blue eyes, usually so full of life and light, are still open. Unfocused and empty. And that’s how he feels right now – empty. Just empty. The moment her heart stopped beating - everything changed. His whole universe changed…

* * *

 

 She haunts his dreams. It’s cruel really. In those dreams she is alive, smiling up at him from her computers at the foundry, or fixing up his bow-tie at the Queen Consolidated Annual Gala, or reading a bedtime story to baby Sara. The list goes on and on. So he allows himself to dream of her. And when the night falls over the city and the lights are dimmed, he closes his eyes and he sees her, clear as day. He can almost feel the softness of her skin under his fingertips. He can almost hear her voice. And he doesn't want to wake up…

* * *

 

Against his better judgement he goes to the funeral. And he relives the day she died all other again, when he sees he lifeless body.  The pain is indescribable. It tears his soul to pieces, it eats him alive. He is just a shell of a man without her.

Deep down Oliver knows Felicity was his saving grace, his guardian angel. And it might be naive, but he likes to think that she is with Tommy now. That he takes care of her, that he makes her smile. And in these moments Oliver almost envies him. But most of all he is angry with them for leaving him like this.

Even though he is surrounded by the people he loves, Dig, Thea, Laurel, Roy, yet he simply can’t shake the feeling that he is completely and utterly alone now. That he is  _lost._ She truly was his guiding light. And now nothing but darkness surrounds him…

* * *

 

He realizes that no matter where Felicity is, she still holds his heart in her hands. No matter how broken it is, it’s all hers. And he regrets  _so_  much, but most of all he regrets letting her go, letting their future slip through his fingers. He regrets not pursuing his happiness with her. His one last chance for a happy ending. Because she was it, she was his last, first and  _only_  true love. And if it were a fairytale, his kiss would bring her back. His life is no fairytale though…

But she is special. She is remarkable, actually. He’s never met a woman like her in his entire miserable life. And he  _has_  to believe in her just as she always believed in him. And in that particular split second Oliver decides that he will bring Felicity back to life, no matter what it takes…


	2. Chapter 2

He refuses to let them bury her, let them put her in the cold, dirty ground. They all stare at him, like he’s lost his goddamn mind, and maybe they are not that far from the truth. And then they try to reason with him. But he has a goal and nothing can sway him. So he stands his ground and eventually they accept that there is no other choice but to give up.

Oliver knows that there is only one person in the entire world who could help him now. So he picks her petite body up and jumps on the plane straight to Nanda Parbat. 

 

* * *

 

He realizes this is his only chance to get her back, so he drops to his knees before the Demon himself and begs for his help, begs him to bring Felicity back to life. A resounding “No” seems a million times louder, bouncing of the stone walls in this dark, quiet room.

Oliver offers his life in exchange for hers, but the Demon is stoic and unforgiving, as he refuses his pleas time after time. He knows there is one last pair of aces up his sleeve, so he accepts The Offer, he accepts the future he never wanted, he accepts to be the next Ra’s Al Ghul…

“She is your soft spot. She is your ultimate weakness. And as long as Felicity Smoak is alive, you could never be the Demon’s Head” the man says and the words pierce his heart like a thousand arrows never could. They crush his hopes, destroy his dreams. Destroy  _him._

“You've lost so much in your short life, son…  Felicity, she was so young, so innocent and her death was a great tragedy. So as a gesture of good faith I will bring her back” he speaks quietly. “But she is a distraction. A distraction you cannot afford. You willjoin the League of Assassins, you will become the next Ra’s al Ghul and you will swear to  _never_  lay eyes on her again. Do we have a deal, Oliver?”…

He knows she’d hate him for this, for sacrificing himself, for joining the League, but he can’t imagine the universe where she isn't alive. So with the defeated nod of his head Oliver accepts his new fate. 

 

* * *

 

As he lowers her into the cool waters of the Lazarus Pit an irrational fear grips his heart. He is terrified that it’s too late, or that the legend is just that – a legend, not an ounce of truth to it… He is not a religious man. In fact he stopped believing in God a long time ago, but right now he prays to all the gods that would listen, that this particular legend is true.

The seconds go by agonizingly slowly and he can’t stop himself from tracing his fingers through her soft hair. Even in death she is stunningly beautiful. A whole minute passes before she draws a single shallow breath and he knows in that moment that she will be okay.

He doesn't leave her side as she drifts in and out of consciousness for the next hour or so. Oliver knows this is the last time he can be with her so he is drinking her in, trying to memorize every little thing, every tiny detail about her. And when she finally opens her eyes with a start, he can breathe again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Leave a comment and tell me what you think.
> 
> I do have another chapter planned out for when the muse hits again. 
> 
> If you're so inclined, check out my Tumblr as well http://mercilesscupid.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

If that’s what dying feels like – she can’t say she minds it that much.

She wouldn't go as far as to say that she enjoys it, who in their right mind would enjoy being shot, but if it means she gets to sleep in and just relax for once, feeling the softness of the freshly laundered sheets with her face buried in a mountain of soft pillows, well, she isn't completely opposed to it either. This might have very well been her personal heaven, if she wasn't Jewish and actually believed in heaven or hell.

She finally manages to crack her eyes open, one at a time, desperately trying to understand where she is. The room, if she could even call it that, is grand and bathed in a soft glow of a full moon and flickering lights of a dozen torches, allowing her to distinguish the surroundings a bit more clearly. Stone walls, lit candles, red drapes over the bed she is currently laying in.

Felicity feels his presence before she even sees or hears him move in the shadows.

“It’s an honour to finally meet you, Miss Smoak”, he speaks quietly, “My daughter speaks highly of you”.

Somehow, she knows it instantly – it’s Ra’s al Ghul, it’s the Demon himself. And it’s hard to believe that this poised, gracious man is a ruthless killer that he is.

“What am I doing here?” she demands, getting up from the bed.

“What is the last thing you remember, Miss Smoak?” he asks, his eyes gleaming with curiosity.

She struggles to remember her last conscious memory. It all seems too foggy, too far away until it hits her, clear as day.

She can still hear the gunshots, still remembers the piercing pain creeping into every cell of her body. And a pair of blue eyes so deep, she could drown in them… Eyes filled with so much pain and regret… She remembers his voice, pleading for her to stay, whispering words of love into her ear as he holds her close to his body… And she can still feel his fingertips caressing her cheek, as she took her last breath.

“I died…” she mutters after a long pause. A statement, not a question.  

A hundred different thoughts enter Felicity’s mind, all of them somewhere along the lines of  _‘How the hell am I alive?!’_

“Have you heard of the Lazarus Pit, Miss Smoak? The waters of the Pit are believed to cure all afflictions and can even bring one’s soul to the land of the…”

“Where is Oliver?” she asks, cutting him off, “I want to see him”.

The man pauses for just a second, collecting himself, trying to reign in his emotions that are raging just below the surface of his quiet demeanour. “I am afraid that would not be possible, my dear” he offers almost sympathetically.

“And why is that?” she fumes.

“I warned him once, you know, what this life would do to him, but he chose to ignore my warning. I told him that Oliver Queen is a man destined to be alone. Surrounded by death and misery. In love with a woman he cannot have. But he still refused my offer.  Until he lost you, Miss Smoak. A mere thought of living in this world without you brought him to me, made him accept his destiny as the Heir to The Demon himself”. His voice is calm and peaceful, bringing shivers down her spine. “Oliver Queen loves you with all his heart, but the Archer cannot _have_ a heart, he cannot afford such weakness”.

He opens the door, letting the light seep into the room, as he walks out. “As the dawn adorns the morning skies in crimson, you will leave Nanda Parbat never to return again”, he adds. “Be safe, my child”.

“Wait”, she pleads, “I can’t live without him in my life either… Please, I’ll do it…”

He hesitates for a long moment, and she can see the moment the Demon’s curiosity takes over his reserve. “Do what, Miss Smoak?” he asks, his brow arching.

“ _Anything._  I will leave everything and everyone behind. I will fight and I will kill. I will join the League of Assassins if it means I get to be with him” and her voice doesn't quiver even when a lone tear rolls down her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there is that. This little thing kept me up until 4 AM today. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! I sinceriously hope you enjoyed that at least a little bit. 
> 
> A quick shout-out to Anne, whose comments are extremely kind and inspiring, as well as Arrow writers who gave us the epicness that was tonight’s episode. 
> 
> Check out my tumblr http://mercilesscupid.tumblr.com/


End file.
